Thursday, December 04, 2003
The Aidan Interview
Yes! It's finally here! aka - I've finally gotten off my ass to write it up.. Well enjoy.
The Background - Carr and I interviewed our good buddy Aidan. We posed 10 questions, to which we mercilessly made fun of the kid. This was during french class, and Palomino was subbing - just in case you know who he is.
1. C- What is your full name?
A- Joshua Aidan Jensen Holu -
C- Shut the fuck up!
A- (Ignoring Carr) Now! How 'bout giving me some ass!...... (Quietly) Little boys.
C- Uh what?
A- Oh am I supposed to be joking?
2. Aidan, do you remember when you thought HTML stood for "Hotmail"?
A- I didn't do that, it was Danielle.
C- No it was you.
Argument ensues.
A- 'Scuse me I gotta put on my headgear.
C- What the? Where's Justin? (He went to take a shit, and then denied it after he returned from the bathroom fifteen minutes after leaving).
A- Oh ya. Carr shoulda brought a recorder.
C- (Makes recorder noises) Too-t-too-tooo. (Waits for astounding looks of impression on our faces). I took lessons (beaming).
3. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? And don't say banana 'cause we know you would be bullshitting us. Although, do take note that "Plantain" would be an acceptable answer.
A- How many questions are there? (Dumb smile).
C- You do know what a Plantain is, don't you?
A- No.
C- It's a small banana -
A- Hmm... Passionfruit!
4. If you were a protest poster, what would you say?
A- (Stares off into the distance)
C- I'll repeat...
A- Ban Sanscartier from the earth!
C- And lick the whales?
J- (Beaming) On my bus, I just stood up and yelled out "Whaaaaalleeee" really loud and all the kids looked out the window!
- Awkward Silence-
(Aidan later told me how much ass Justin smelt like... "He smells like an Italian sausage factory, 'cept not a good one").
5. Who is your favorite teen girl from Strongbad's "Teen Girl Squad". How Come?
A- So and so. I don't know. So and so!
6. Where's the strangest place you've fulfilled you childish desires?
A- I thought we already discussed this at Yap's place.
C- But we're putting this on the Internet. (Garbled).
A- We can all say the beach.
C- When you were burried up to your neck in sand?
A- I don't know... The kitchen.
C- Oh Aidan... (Dissapointed look).
7. Do you have Shelly Louch's phone number memorized? (Wait for answer). Don't lie, you lying bastard!
A- No.
C- Don't lie, you lying bastard!
A- Is that written in there?
C- Umm no...
A- 484-4669
C- That's Yap
J- That's Yap's isn't it?
C- Umm sure how-
Yeah, I stopped listening here. But picked it up again here:
A- And the context was something about pre-pubescent clit! So she {Shelly} got mad, "I've never heard you talk like that before!"
M- Did you guys know that the Hell's Angels, back in the '50's awarded "Red Wings" to members who popped a girls cherry with their tongue?
-Discussion about Red Wings-
J- How would they know? Like bring her in and ask her?
A- Shut the fuck up!
8. What happened that day when Matt and Yap came to your house with Kaleigh (mispronouces it - "Ka-lee") and Shelly? Why was your dad so angry?
A- (Puts on hood). You know this story. 'Cause he's an overprotective asshole. I didn't give him any notice-
M- Tool.
A- "Friends eh" (Imitating Francis) "They can come on in.. Wait! Girls - In the backyard, Aidan. Yes, I'll check on you every three minutes, offer some chips? Opium?"
9. Name the first three points on "Oscar's Lexicon". (Aidan's dog has a list of rules and words his step-mom made him make in order to train the dog). What a chump.
A- "Chewy". "Injurbed", when you're supposed to make him go to bed.
C- I know the top point on YOUR lexicon! Jack off in the kitchen!
A- Nah, I ejaculated in your coat.
C- Fuck you.
10. Do you recall you own birth? What would you guess your dad said after that "magic moment"?
M- You can tell I wrote this.
A- Bastard. What magic moment? "Magic Mistake" maybe. "Oh god! Why did the condom have to break? And yes, I do recall it. So many shitty years ago.
Notes on the text: A is Aidan, C is Carr, J is Justin and M is Matt (myself, who also wrote down what was said). Otherwise, Carr asked many of the questions, except for the ones where it says I did, or it's self-explanatory.
A special thanks to Aidan for "allowing" *cough* the team here at politics to post the interview.
The Background - Carr and I interviewed our good buddy Aidan. We posed 10 questions, to which we mercilessly made fun of the kid. This was during french class, and Palomino was subbing - just in case you know who he is.
1. C- What is your full name?
A- Joshua Aidan Jensen Holu -
C- Shut the fuck up!
A- (Ignoring Carr) Now! How 'bout giving me some ass!...... (Quietly) Little boys.
C- Uh what?
A- Oh am I supposed to be joking?
2. Aidan, do you remember when you thought HTML stood for "Hotmail"?
A- I didn't do that, it was Danielle.
C- No it was you.
Argument ensues.
A- 'Scuse me I gotta put on my headgear.
C- What the? Where's Justin? (He went to take a shit, and then denied it after he returned from the bathroom fifteen minutes after leaving).
A- Oh ya. Carr shoulda brought a recorder.
C- (Makes recorder noises) Too-t-too-tooo. (Waits for astounding looks of impression on our faces). I took lessons (beaming).
3. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? And don't say banana 'cause we know you would be bullshitting us. Although, do take note that "Plantain" would be an acceptable answer.
A- How many questions are there? (Dumb smile).
C- You do know what a Plantain is, don't you?
A- No.
C- It's a small banana -
A- Hmm... Passionfruit!
4. If you were a protest poster, what would you say?
A- (Stares off into the distance)
C- I'll repeat...
A- Ban Sanscartier from the earth!
C- And lick the whales?
J- (Beaming) On my bus, I just stood up and yelled out "Whaaaaalleeee" really loud and all the kids looked out the window!
- Awkward Silence-
(Aidan later told me how much ass Justin smelt like... "He smells like an Italian sausage factory, 'cept not a good one").
5. Who is your favorite teen girl from Strongbad's "Teen Girl Squad". How Come?
A- So and so. I don't know. So and so!
6. Where's the strangest place you've fulfilled you childish desires?
A- I thought we already discussed this at Yap's place.
C- But we're putting this on the Internet. (Garbled).
A- We can all say the beach.
C- When you were burried up to your neck in sand?
A- I don't know... The kitchen.
C- Oh Aidan... (Dissapointed look).
7. Do you have Shelly Louch's phone number memorized? (Wait for answer). Don't lie, you lying bastard!
A- No.
C- Don't lie, you lying bastard!
A- Is that written in there?
C- Umm no...
A- 484-4669
C- That's Yap
J- That's Yap's isn't it?
C- Umm sure how-
Yeah, I stopped listening here. But picked it up again here:
A- And the context was something about pre-pubescent clit! So she {Shelly} got mad, "I've never heard you talk like that before!"
M- Did you guys know that the Hell's Angels, back in the '50's awarded "Red Wings" to members who popped a girls cherry with their tongue?
-Discussion about Red Wings-
J- How would they know? Like bring her in and ask her?
A- Shut the fuck up!
8. What happened that day when Matt and Yap came to your house with Kaleigh (mispronouces it - "Ka-lee") and Shelly? Why was your dad so angry?
A- (Puts on hood). You know this story. 'Cause he's an overprotective asshole. I didn't give him any notice-
M- Tool.
A- "Friends eh" (Imitating Francis) "They can come on in.. Wait! Girls - In the backyard, Aidan. Yes, I'll check on you every three minutes, offer some chips? Opium?"
9. Name the first three points on "Oscar's Lexicon". (Aidan's dog has a list of rules and words his step-mom made him make in order to train the dog). What a chump.
A- "Chewy". "Injurbed", when you're supposed to make him go to bed.
C- I know the top point on YOUR lexicon! Jack off in the kitchen!
A- Nah, I ejaculated in your coat.
C- Fuck you.
10. Do you recall you own birth? What would you guess your dad said after that "magic moment"?
M- You can tell I wrote this.
A- Bastard. What magic moment? "Magic Mistake" maybe. "Oh god! Why did the condom have to break? And yes, I do recall it. So many shitty years ago.
Notes on the text: A is Aidan, C is Carr, J is Justin and M is Matt (myself, who also wrote down what was said). Otherwise, Carr asked many of the questions, except for the ones where it says I did, or it's self-explanatory.
A special thanks to Aidan for "allowing" *cough* the team here at politics to post the interview.
