Tuesday, January 06, 2004
WIT
"Shut thee fuckup!" - German Nihilists from Lebowski.
And with that out of the way I guess I'd better get started. It's already pretty late (9:13; And without my afternoon nap- I'm used to napping in the afternoon - This 80 year old is down for the night).
So there I was (almost all the shit I spew out starts with that nowdays) but I was there. Maybe I should let you know that "there" was at the kitchen table around 11:00 last night after having read an excruciating 40 pages of The Odyssey. Afterwards, I found myself reading Alberta Views, A much lighter plate for my literary stomach. Anways, Views had published an entire issue on the school system and somehow an article that was by some pussy had snuck into print. "Fred Stenson" took up an entire page, five fuckin' columns, on how he wanted to help his daughter with and essay she has been given as an assignment. The work was a typical grade 9 whore-handout. She was to write about something like "why it's good to talk with seniors". Sounds simple enough sure, in fact the guy mentions he looked at her brainstorm which happens to be an integral part of the process if one hopes to demonstrate their wit and meteorological assesments. The asshole writer went on to mention some bullshit about how "gee, I didn't know we shared the same views". Great, Fuck You. That's not relevant dumbass! You're talking about how essays have changed since you were pissing your bed at night, not how you think your views differ from the younger generations. Regardlessly, they do. And I just proved it.
Anyhow, the author (if I can even give him that much credit) went on to state that he tried to help his daughter with her essay, but guidelines had changed too much and he wasn't used to all these changes. Ie. Having a set number of supporting details. He also managed to squeeze an argument out of the fact that the sheet said "use bright language, adverbs, adjectives, etc." He found it necessary to state that he asked his daughter, "Why all the description?" Why? I'll tell you why, because people don't like to read something as dry as chicken that's been microwaved 5 times. Pussy doesn't want description with his essay? Oh, well that's just too fucking bad!
Obviously this guy likes to read writing like his own: without argument, and therefore without reason. Which brings me to my next point. My good pal "Fred" also told his daughter that it was ridiculous to have transitions at the start of paragraphs. Unbelievable. Is it that I've missed something or that having a relationship between two paragraphs suddenly became uncool? Regardless, he put italics around every word that he used as a transition. Words like "henceforth" and "regardless" were standing out from the rest of the page. Why? What purpose did this serve? I assume he was trying to point out how redundant the words were, and in such a case, he failed miserably because by using them at the start of his paragraphs, the essay had fluency. As the writing grew long, and terribly boring, "Fred" went on to mention that essays used to have the power to change the way people lived and Jonathan Swift's, "A Modest Proposal" is his idea of a well crafted essay. It was his prime example.
It was published in 1729!
There are good reasons that the system has changed. Essays are now supposed to be written properly, and guidelines are there to establish succes for the writer. For those of you who aren't familiar with Swift's paper, he elaborated a theory on why the higher classes should eat Irish children to reduce the number of poor, and in turn, right the economy.
I'm beginning to see why the essay format had to be reworked.
Notes on the text : All the quotes herein are the property of "Alberta Views, Jan/Feb 2004" and under no circumstances does the aforementioned allow what is used as reference in my article to republished or redistributed without their prior consent.
And with that out of the way I guess I'd better get started. It's already pretty late (9:13; And without my afternoon nap- I'm used to napping in the afternoon - This 80 year old is down for the night).
So there I was (almost all the shit I spew out starts with that nowdays) but I was there. Maybe I should let you know that "there" was at the kitchen table around 11:00 last night after having read an excruciating 40 pages of The Odyssey. Afterwards, I found myself reading Alberta Views, A much lighter plate for my literary stomach. Anways, Views had published an entire issue on the school system and somehow an article that was by some pussy had snuck into print. "Fred Stenson" took up an entire page, five fuckin' columns, on how he wanted to help his daughter with and essay she has been given as an assignment. The work was a typical grade 9 whore-handout. She was to write about something like "why it's good to talk with seniors". Sounds simple enough sure, in fact the guy mentions he looked at her brainstorm which happens to be an integral part of the process if one hopes to demonstrate their wit and meteorological assesments. The asshole writer went on to mention some bullshit about how "gee, I didn't know we shared the same views". Great, Fuck You. That's not relevant dumbass! You're talking about how essays have changed since you were pissing your bed at night, not how you think your views differ from the younger generations. Regardlessly, they do. And I just proved it.
Anyhow, the author (if I can even give him that much credit) went on to state that he tried to help his daughter with her essay, but guidelines had changed too much and he wasn't used to all these changes. Ie. Having a set number of supporting details. He also managed to squeeze an argument out of the fact that the sheet said "use bright language, adverbs, adjectives, etc." He found it necessary to state that he asked his daughter, "Why all the description?" Why? I'll tell you why, because people don't like to read something as dry as chicken that's been microwaved 5 times. Pussy doesn't want description with his essay? Oh, well that's just too fucking bad!
Obviously this guy likes to read writing like his own: without argument, and therefore without reason. Which brings me to my next point. My good pal "Fred" also told his daughter that it was ridiculous to have transitions at the start of paragraphs. Unbelievable. Is it that I've missed something or that having a relationship between two paragraphs suddenly became uncool? Regardless, he put italics around every word that he used as a transition. Words like "henceforth" and "regardless" were standing out from the rest of the page. Why? What purpose did this serve? I assume he was trying to point out how redundant the words were, and in such a case, he failed miserably because by using them at the start of his paragraphs, the essay had fluency. As the writing grew long, and terribly boring, "Fred" went on to mention that essays used to have the power to change the way people lived and Jonathan Swift's, "A Modest Proposal" is his idea of a well crafted essay. It was his prime example.
It was published in 1729!
There are good reasons that the system has changed. Essays are now supposed to be written properly, and guidelines are there to establish succes for the writer. For those of you who aren't familiar with Swift's paper, he elaborated a theory on why the higher classes should eat Irish children to reduce the number of poor, and in turn, right the economy.
I'm beginning to see why the essay format had to be reworked.
Notes on the text : All the quotes herein are the property of "Alberta Views, Jan/Feb 2004" and under no circumstances does the aforementioned allow what is used as reference in my article to republished or redistributed without their prior consent.
