Saturday, May 29, 2004
Duelin' Again
Today's political question of the day is going to take some real thought:
As gangsters, what should we drink, Cristal or Tanqueray?
In a similar debate, broadcast on national TV, two hot-dog vendors went at it on Judge Joe Brown the other day. Naturally, I was there, watching the heated debate concerning just who has violated who's hot-dog business. This has lead me to a simple conclusion:
Judge Joe Brown is the coolest show on television right now. (Hypocrite Watchers, please - See: sunny sunny Sunnyvale).
In order to explain to you maggots just how great of a show this really is, I'm going to break it down with a series of questions. Bear with me as I examine a blood sample of pop-culture.
Black Judge? Check
Beautiful Bayliffs? Check
Hilarious "Jerry Springer" style debates? Check
Court can be put into "recess"? Check
Small Mexican finger foods for the live audience? Not yet, but I hear (a leak from the producer himself, an essay, if you will) that they're really working on it.
Excess of white trailer park trash every few episodes? Check
Unbelievable intro concerning the Honorable Joe Brown's "passion for justice"? Are you kidding me? CHECK
To further illustrate my point, just look at this week's shows!
May 31, 2004
Case 1:
Ohio landlords claim a young tenant allegedly ran over a young Mulberry tree while showing off his ATV.
Case 2:
A California family fights over a car that was moved during a medical emergency and later ran up thousands of dollars in fines.
June 01, 2004
Case 1:
A St. Paul, Minnesota mother and daughter battle over new and old loans as well as a tax refund.
Case 2:A St. Paul, Minnesota mother and daughter battle over new and old loans as well as a tax refund.
June 02, 2004
Case 1:
A good Samaritan woman from Milwaukee takes in her daughter’s friend, but after 5 months of rent-free living, the favor is over.
Case 2:
Friends move to Florida together but soon trouble follows when one is unable to get a job.
Seen enough?
As for a seasoned watcher like it's easy to imagine that the shows would become predictable and uninteresting after seen a few episodes. UNLIKELY. The cases are always fresh with hilarious twists and turns, unlike on Judge Judy (what kind of alliteration is that anyways? Like really, if you're notJudge Joe get the fuck out!) where everything is sordid and ridiculously cliché. Everyone knows Judge Joe offers what the competitors can't deliver. The man is black for God's sake!
Furthermore, here is the synopsis from an upcoming episode. A Racine, Wisconsin bus driver says her ex-husband allegedly will not allow her children travel with her to Europe because he accuses her of engaging in pornographic activity. Where else could you catch such racy case? I guarantee you Judge Joe Brown will even throw in a few clever and witty remarks concerning this guy who was spat out the bottom of the porn industry. He's just that much of a God.
The problem with the average court show (People's Court, Judge Judy, etc.) is that the Judge just yells and insults the people's person. (Not a typo, just become as smart as me, chump). It's not funny this way, because you're thinking the whole time, "man, why aren't you Judge Joe Brown?" And I know for sure that when I'm thinking of Judge Joe Brown, I can't concentrate on anything other than his clean, crisp, morning-fresh wit. If anyone else's wit is as witty as his, Jesus, I don't know wit to tell you.
Oh, and you know the cases aren't staged because they let you call in with your own cases. Ever lent money to a boyfriend or girlfriend and wanted it back after the breakup? Call 1-800-JOESLAW,
or Trailer Park Resident Hotline 1-800YOUREPO
As gangsters, what should we drink, Cristal or Tanqueray?
In a similar debate, broadcast on national TV, two hot-dog vendors went at it on Judge Joe Brown the other day. Naturally, I was there, watching the heated debate concerning just who has violated who's hot-dog business. This has lead me to a simple conclusion:
Judge Joe Brown is the coolest show on television right now. (Hypocrite Watchers, please - See: sunny sunny Sunnyvale).
In order to explain to you maggots just how great of a show this really is, I'm going to break it down with a series of questions. Bear with me as I examine a blood sample of pop-culture.
Black Judge? Check
Beautiful Bayliffs? Check
Hilarious "Jerry Springer" style debates? Check
Court can be put into "recess"? Check
Small Mexican finger foods for the live audience? Not yet, but I hear (a leak from the producer himself, an essay, if you will) that they're really working on it.
Excess of white trailer park trash every few episodes? Check
Unbelievable intro concerning the Honorable Joe Brown's "passion for justice"? Are you kidding me? CHECK
To further illustrate my point, just look at this week's shows!
May 31, 2004
Case 1:
Ohio landlords claim a young tenant allegedly ran over a young Mulberry tree while showing off his ATV.
Case 2:
A California family fights over a car that was moved during a medical emergency and later ran up thousands of dollars in fines.
June 01, 2004
Case 1:
A St. Paul, Minnesota mother and daughter battle over new and old loans as well as a tax refund.
Case 2:A St. Paul, Minnesota mother and daughter battle over new and old loans as well as a tax refund.
June 02, 2004
Case 1:
A good Samaritan woman from Milwaukee takes in her daughter’s friend, but after 5 months of rent-free living, the favor is over.
Case 2:
Friends move to Florida together but soon trouble follows when one is unable to get a job.
Seen enough?
As for a seasoned watcher like it's easy to imagine that the shows would become predictable and uninteresting after seen a few episodes. UNLIKELY. The cases are always fresh with hilarious twists and turns, unlike on Judge Judy (what kind of alliteration is that anyways? Like really, if you're notJudge Joe get the fuck out!) where everything is sordid and ridiculously cliché. Everyone knows Judge Joe offers what the competitors can't deliver. The man is black for God's sake!
Furthermore, here is the synopsis from an upcoming episode. A Racine, Wisconsin bus driver says her ex-husband allegedly will not allow her children travel with her to Europe because he accuses her of engaging in pornographic activity. Where else could you catch such racy case? I guarantee you Judge Joe Brown will even throw in a few clever and witty remarks concerning this guy who was spat out the bottom of the porn industry. He's just that much of a God.
The problem with the average court show (People's Court, Judge Judy, etc.) is that the Judge just yells and insults the people's person. (Not a typo, just become as smart as me, chump). It's not funny this way, because you're thinking the whole time, "man, why aren't you Judge Joe Brown?" And I know for sure that when I'm thinking of Judge Joe Brown, I can't concentrate on anything other than his clean, crisp, morning-fresh wit. If anyone else's wit is as witty as his, Jesus, I don't know wit to tell you.
Oh, and you know the cases aren't staged because they let you call in with your own cases. Ever lent money to a boyfriend or girlfriend and wanted it back after the breakup? Call 1-800-JOESLAW,
or Trailer Park Resident Hotline 1-800YOUREPO
