Saturday, July 31, 2004
I'm King Lo-ort! There's a troll in Central Pa-aark!
Recently, I thought it would be funny to publish one of those questionnaires you always get on email with my own answers to those very questions. Then I changed my idea to having zany answers. THEN my idea became on where I posted the same answers to the same questionnaire, but riddled it with hilarious sexual innuendos and changed many of the questions to suit my perverted sense of humor. At that point, I realised I had downed one last beer and that my idea was almost as bad as the questionnaires themselves. So I decided to backtrack.
My backtracking led my feet to a sofa, where I comfortably sat down and experienced the cold sensation of a can. My beer came alive and as I cracked off the tab, the aluminum cylinder took the form of an angel... It was at that moment that I remembered having left the oven on. "Damn", I cursed silently to myself, slowly drifting off into slumber.
The backtracking had begun.
Yes, my friends, I started backtracking. I backtracked all the way back to a time when I was much younger, all the while with my guardian angel next to me. Oh, did I mention I was wearing red striped pyjamas? So there I was, staring at a reflection of myself in Holy Cross School, next to a grade seven version of Yap, who was standing at arm's distance from Carr. Suddenly, and without much warning, other than the backhand of the weary angel (and some light in my eye that kept blinking when things would spring to life - but what did the light mean?) the characters began to move and speak. Yap and Carr were arguing about something outside of Gareau's class and it was picture day so Carr was wearing his bowtie and Yap his pirate attire. Other kids were nearby as Yap threatened to pop a cap in Carr's ass, his peg leg a-flyin'. Carr responded with a half-hearted sob and ran into the washroom to enjoy a sec martini he had recently purchased from the janitor. Upon completion of the martini, the two schoolboys, (now wearing smiles) shook hands and agreed that next time, the martini would be divided in two equal parts, for each who had a yearning. I left the scene, wondering what the strange dream, not to mention the twist on what really happened, meant.
Next, I backtracked (wearing a smaller pair of pygamas) to a time past grade seven. Suddenly, I was thrown amidst a frenzy of activity. The pygamas did little good against the cold weather I was confronted with, but even colder was the scene which met my eyes. I, playing the role of myself, was a top a toboggan, at my birthday. I had the guys over and we were tearing up the ravine by my place, when all of a sudden, who should drive up? Why, none other than O'Carreigh Carr. He was made the focal point of attention because of his wrangler snowpants. Man, we were just so jealous that day. Of course by that time we had all heard of the new denim snowpants, but no one owned a pair, and to see them in real live action for the first time gave us all the willies!
My next backtrack took me way back to the only story that actually happened. (Note on the above stories - and everything you'll find on politics - just read the disclaimer). Oh, and the above stories started out as truths, but ended with twists - just try to find out where everything goes wrong! Right, so the only story that actually happened.
There I was, very young, and with Dibs, who was also jumping on the trampoline. We looked up to the neighbor's roof. (Now home to the finster's), And sitting a top was a member of the gathering at DD's house. Why they were on the roof, we'll never know, but what we do know, is that was one mighty roof party. Yup, one story up, with beer up the chimney. Anyhow, this is the part of the tale where my adventure came to an abrupt halt, after all, it was my turn to shoot stick, i was naked, (with this tiny little pair of pygamas beside me?!) and Will Ferrel was on SNL, where a troll was loose in Central Park.
My backtracking led my feet to a sofa, where I comfortably sat down and experienced the cold sensation of a can. My beer came alive and as I cracked off the tab, the aluminum cylinder took the form of an angel... It was at that moment that I remembered having left the oven on. "Damn", I cursed silently to myself, slowly drifting off into slumber.
The backtracking had begun.
Yes, my friends, I started backtracking. I backtracked all the way back to a time when I was much younger, all the while with my guardian angel next to me. Oh, did I mention I was wearing red striped pyjamas? So there I was, staring at a reflection of myself in Holy Cross School, next to a grade seven version of Yap, who was standing at arm's distance from Carr. Suddenly, and without much warning, other than the backhand of the weary angel (and some light in my eye that kept blinking when things would spring to life - but what did the light mean?) the characters began to move and speak. Yap and Carr were arguing about something outside of Gareau's class and it was picture day so Carr was wearing his bowtie and Yap his pirate attire. Other kids were nearby as Yap threatened to pop a cap in Carr's ass, his peg leg a-flyin'. Carr responded with a half-hearted sob and ran into the washroom to enjoy a sec martini he had recently purchased from the janitor. Upon completion of the martini, the two schoolboys, (now wearing smiles) shook hands and agreed that next time, the martini would be divided in two equal parts, for each who had a yearning. I left the scene, wondering what the strange dream, not to mention the twist on what really happened, meant.
Next, I backtracked (wearing a smaller pair of pygamas) to a time past grade seven. Suddenly, I was thrown amidst a frenzy of activity. The pygamas did little good against the cold weather I was confronted with, but even colder was the scene which met my eyes. I, playing the role of myself, was a top a toboggan, at my birthday. I had the guys over and we were tearing up the ravine by my place, when all of a sudden, who should drive up? Why, none other than O'Carreigh Carr. He was made the focal point of attention because of his wrangler snowpants. Man, we were just so jealous that day. Of course by that time we had all heard of the new denim snowpants, but no one owned a pair, and to see them in real live action for the first time gave us all the willies!
My next backtrack took me way back to the only story that actually happened. (Note on the above stories - and everything you'll find on politics - just read the disclaimer). Oh, and the above stories started out as truths, but ended with twists - just try to find out where everything goes wrong! Right, so the only story that actually happened.
There I was, very young, and with Dibs, who was also jumping on the trampoline. We looked up to the neighbor's roof. (Now home to the finster's), And sitting a top was a member of the gathering at DD's house. Why they were on the roof, we'll never know, but what we do know, is that was one mighty roof party. Yup, one story up, with beer up the chimney. Anyhow, this is the part of the tale where my adventure came to an abrupt halt, after all, it was my turn to shoot stick, i was naked, (with this tiny little pair of pygamas beside me?!) and Will Ferrel was on SNL, where a troll was loose in Central Park.
