Sunday, May 28, 2006
Lefty Found to be Right-of-Center
In a move that has many planning to renounce their beliefs, Steven Schneider declared the principles of a free market "plausible, at best" at last week's Communist Party assembly.
Many members of the Party are still bedridden after what happened. Fevers of 104 degrees, nausea and vomiting, as well as bouts of seizure, fainting and general uneasiness have all been reported.
Prior to the weekly meeting, Schneider had reportedly just received a 35$ cash bonus from Bourgeoisiest and employer Thomas Harding. The nominal fee came at 3:45pm mst on Friday afternoon and could not have come at a worse time. Friday, a notoriously stressful day under a capitalist system, was especially distateful for Schneider because it meant a submission of his weekly progress report. Although the report was described by Harding as "Mediocre, and at times, a little below the intended values", Schneider's feelings were that "Hey, he's the big guy, let him meet the number quota!"
Many members of the Party are still bedridden after what happened. Fevers of 104 degrees, nausea and vomiting, as well as bouts of seizure, fainting and general uneasiness have all been reported.
Prior to the weekly meeting, Schneider had reportedly just received a 35$ cash bonus from Bourgeoisiest and employer Thomas Harding. The nominal fee came at 3:45pm mst on Friday afternoon and could not have come at a worse time. Friday, a notoriously stressful day under a capitalist system, was especially distateful for Schneider because it meant a submission of his weekly progress report. Although the report was described by Harding as "Mediocre, and at times, a little below the intended values", Schneider's feelings were that "Hey, he's the big guy, let him meet the number quota!"
